Dear Lou Lou,

I am only a year and a half old terrier, and I think that I am, by and large, a very good dog. I have never bitten ANYONE – the time I nipped that nasty boy who kept pulling my ears doesn’t count. I haven’t chewed up furniture, books , rugs, or shoes since I was eight months old! The torn magazine they blamed me for was really the man-big having a fit.
I have not peed in house since that time when I got too excited by seeing my favorite
human after she had been gone for weeks. And I never poop in the house.
As I said, I am a pretty darn good dog.
So, here’s my problem, my Big Person says I must go to school to be better.
I do not want to go to school. I have heard all about walking around forever in circles
and up and down balance boards and having to sit in one place forever and never
talking with other dogs. It just sounds boring and stupid
How can I convince my Big that school is a bad idea?

Signed,

Pretty darn good dog

Dear Pretty Darn Good Dog,

Good for you! And it sounds like you are a pretty good dog by most dog standards. But
unfortunately, many Bigs have different standards. Ask yourself: when your Big tellsyou to do something, do you regard this as a command, a suggestion or just random
noise: here are some tests:

1. When your Big calls you to come, do you come right away? Or do you wander
   around a bit sniffing out good smells or looking for some nice morsels to
   chew?
2. When you are told to sit, do you plop your bottom right down? Or do you
   keep wagging your behind?
3. When the Bigs are eating at the table, do you lie down in the corner or nudge
   them for a handout.

If the answer is no to any of these questions, lots of Bigs will start thinking about school
for you because that is what they mean by “good dogs”. And to be honest, even if you
can say yes to these commands, they will make up a ton of others.
In the end you have to decide yourself what kind of good dog you want to be.
Best,

Lou Lou